The Gay Parrot
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."
The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.
"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.
"That's what pisses me off. I don't know. I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."
Since Eric White is running around in circles with Dan Turkette at the moment F6 would like to take a moment and provide the Fort Wayne blogosphere with your weekly Top Ten reasons that "you know someone lived through 2007" when...
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
9. sections of text are "left empty to show solidarity with the writers strike" is yet another excuse also for the Journal Gazette to not be delivered to your home on time.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have a blog.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
3. You have a list of 10 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
and the number one reason you know someone lived through 2007 is:
1. You regularly find yourself entering your PIN on the microwave.
27 January 2008
The Gay Parrot